For some reason, today, I thought of Robert Munsch. He is the children's author who admitted to cocaine and alcohol addiction, years after his books became wildly sucessful.
What struck me about this, was peoples reaction. People suffer from all sorts of addiction, be they addiction to alcohol, addictions to sex, addictions to heroin, ecetera. I, personally, have, in the past, had an addiction to chocolate, food, pasta...people may laugh at this...an addiction to food - trust me, its possible.
I don't know, at times, how I kept my size normal. Once, a friend asked, how the hell do you stay so thin, you should be a blimp? An aunt said, you should be obese by now, when I was in my early teens.
My family, extended and immediate, were worried. Perhaps they were justified. But now, I no longer have that addiction. I have closed that emotional hole within me. Don't get me wrong, if there is icecream in the fridge, I will have a scoop, but I don't have to. Years, perhaps even a year ago, I would have gone insane if I had to leave ice cream, or other treats, untouched. Now, I have no problem with this. Once or twice a week I allow myself a sweet treat, but I don't have a voracious, obsessive need for it.
I think a lot of people struggle with food addiction, partly because its not black and white. With cocaine, you have to stop cold turkey; with food, you do not have that option. With food, there are various shades, nuances, gradiations, of greys and hues of murky oranges, blues and pinks.
I read a book in the last several months by Sue Silverman "Love Sick" about addiction. Her specific addiction was sex, but I think the message could be pertained to other addictions. Her messege was that addiction comes from a hole inside - from childhood, in her case - which needs to be filled, and gets filled in an imbalanced, as aposed to healthy, manner.
I'm looking forward to Ross Laird's book on addiction, I think it is called Labarinth? Because this is a subject I have been fasinated for a long time. When does an addiction become too much? I heard somewhere, that addiction is anything that you use to avoid your issues, your real self...so even positive things, such as running, working, writing, can become an addiction, if used to avoid yourself. But...
...anyways, I went a tad off in a tangent. What I was going to say was that what surprised me about peoples reactions to Robert Munsch was that people became so judgemental. People talked of throwing out his children's books, even though they were beloved by the family. They said he showed a "bad example".
I think this is idiotic. He came "clean" (parden the pun) about his addiction, told people about it, was honest, and sought help - what more do you want? I could understand if he was a child rapist, then I would throw out his books. But he was simply a man who had a problem, and was honest about it. His drug addiction did not show he was a bad person, he only had an emotional hole, he had to fill, and cocaine seemed to be the trick - at least for the time being.
Anyway, it astounded me, people's judgmentalism towards him. You'd think they could use it as an avenue to teach their children about the perils of drug use. Its not like they'd become drug users simply because their beloved children's author did drugs...I've known people addicted to drugs, and believe me, its not because they had poor literary role models. It generally came down to poor parenting.
One individual I knew years ago, referred to ectasy, as "giving him a hug", hugs, in other conversations, I learned, he lacked from parents (amongst a childhood mirred, unfortunately, in worse than devoids of affection).
One of my professors, ironically, for my Drugs and Behavior class, said he tried cocaine, and "felt like a God"; one might presume, at that time, he felt a lack of personal power in his life, and cocaine was the balm which met that need, at least temporaily.
Me? I've never done hard drugs (I did once, unintentionally, but that's a long story, involving a slight mix up; a belief that weed was only weed, but was, in fact laced with other, more "interesting" and "complex" substances; another blog, or perhaps, a full essay to expound on that incident) . I've done BC's bud, occasionally, far back in the past, but havn't for years - I never really felt its appeal. Alcohol used to be my main "drug of choice," along with food. I liked the warmth of alcohol, how it always seemed to fill my insides with warmth and light. But now, alcohol does not appeal to me. And food, holds a much more "healthy" balanced appeal to me.
Anyways, I've gone on and on and on much more then I intended. I don't know who even reads this. Thus far, I have only one follower. Oh well, I find this writing strangely cathartic.
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